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Pages: flashlight? [1]
Author Topic: Flashlight?

Sr. Member
Posts: 4

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2011-02-08 19-56-20

flashlight? wf is out on long vacation, and I found that I am using fleshlight 2-3 times per day. when she is home it will be lucky if we get going once per week, and it seems like a bill that we have to remember. I always have to ask her, she never asks me. We are talking 10 years of marriage already and she enjoys it very much when we do it and come every time. What is going on? we used to have an uptight relationship for a few years and everything has been quiet since then. I am not blaming anybody just feel very depressed. Over the years on average only 1 out of 5 or 6 times is with her, the others are myself. I think I am better matched to somebody who is more assertive. Just want to dig a hole and stay there. Well, I am doing so, shutting myself in the house right out of work everyday.
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Posts: 5

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2011-02-09 18-22-31

standard issue with marrage. sex dies out after awile. have you talked to her about it?
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  • Wolfgang

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    Posts: 18

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    2011-02-10 11-10-05

    standard issue ;-) thanks, sorry black humor is getting me. Yep, fleshlight should be the "standard issue" of all marriages, just in case ("CIA standard issue" in James Bond). Actually she does not know it, because from experience, she will only condemn it and make me feel very embarrassed. yeah, I suggested counseling a year ago, and even took the time to find therapists, but she was not interested. Not because of sex (well, it sucked anyway), but because we had stormy arguments and every time I end up driving around for a few hours, sometimes midnight. I think I am to be blamed, at least in part. I am very self-conscious since teenage, and spent a lot of time on books. But inside I am very liberal, know all the wild stuff (well, love to read people talking here). Problem is that I need someone to take the lead, because every time I suggested something, she will object and I felt very bad, and swear never letting it happen again. Therefore I am very suppressed. Nowadays I still do not know how to talk with strangers, so I avoid all kinds of parties possible. Time is fast, I cannot believe 5 years already past since our marriage was going downhill.
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  • lucia

    Hero Member
    Posts: 30

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    2011-02-11 2-54-46-

    so you have not had a candid talk about your sexual needs? Well get to that and then let us know how that went. The best advice this fo gives in this situation is tal;k about it. Let her know you are a sexual person and that yur needs are not getting met.
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    Posts: 2

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    2011-02-11 8-17-56-

    thanks, it will be a few weeks before she comes back. I will try. Because I am so prude in attitude and most of the time gives people the wrong impression, like women together. I guess that I married the wrong person... I did have a girlfriend that admires me and paid attention to what I like. The WF is like a fish and seems caring more about other people than those inside the house.
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    Posts: 15

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    2011-02-11 17-59-05

    there is a good chance that she does not even know she is doing it.
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  • Jeannot

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    Posts: 27

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    2011-02-12 10-40-17

    u are probably right ... well, this is a recurring problem and I thought I have tried a few times. I have a hard time asking people for things... for fear of being rejected, so maybe I was not clear. how does change personality? I am always flogging myself for things done wrong and end up never want to have initiatives.
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    Posts: 27

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    2011-02-14 6-51-07-

    quite often fantasized about dying, for saying or doing the wrong thing, while in fact others may not even pay attention. visualizing holding a pistol to my head. lucky that I never owned a real
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  • raith

    Posts: 38

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    2011-03-24 14-50-49

    yea why not seeing some :) there are some scene friendly professionals just got to goolge them.
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  • antrobus

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    Posts: 21

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    2011-08-06 3-38-30-

    firts p thing this is a safe place. there may be haters but for the most part you are safe here.
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    Full Member
    Posts: 24

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    2011-09-15 10-40-38

    Would you consider Marital Counseling? Would she? How 'bout going to a Sex Therapist together?
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    Full Member
    Posts: 12

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    2011-10-01 22-37-32

    Having suffered from it myself, to the point of hospitalization, i feel that you MAY be experiencing Depression...not just sadness or unhappiness, but Depression with a capital D. This is a potentially serious physical (not just mental) illness and you need to see a professional as soon as possible. Finding someone friendly to your lifestyle would be wonderful, if easily d But you don't have to tell ALL to a Psychiatrist... The relevant information is applicable to anyone, any age, gender, race, lifestyle, sexual orientation, etc. It has to do with how you feel right now, which seems to reflect some level of Depressive Illness. This does not mean you are "mentally ill" or crazy. This is such a common and wide-reaching illness that millions of people have it, including well-known folks like Mike Wallace of x min. They have come out and spoken about their condition, which has helped others to realize it is nothing to be ashamed of: it is an illness, period. It can be treated! Mine was, very successfully! in Friendship, rebecca
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    Full Member
    Posts: 19

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    2012-05-02 4-07-58-

    P.S. There are many types of Depression, andis definitely Situational... either brought on by or aggravated by your life situation. Part of getting well is to work on this, but first you have to fight the Depression as it is affecting your mind and body directly...only a professional can assist with this safely.
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  • laswell

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    2012-08-20 22-51-37

    thanks, yes, I suspected depression quite a while back. Thing is that when we have sex regularly (even though not as often as to my like), I feel ok and torn up all my research at local therapists. And then forreason or another, we will have a dry spell of x-x weeks, that is when I am moody and irritable, resent makes me to find all excuses to not interact with her, such as overwork. How do I get over the toddler psychology? If you did not give him what he wants and later on approached him with whatever that was on his mind, he will jerk his head and reject it, trying to "punish" you? I am disabled at times like this, having a hard time making decisions and cannot collect myself together to carry out actions, such as ing for an appointment. I was sitting in my car for half an hour and cannot decide what to eat today.
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    Posts: 19

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    2013-04-22 14-05-15

    It is not fair to either of you foror both of you to be unhappy with the quality, frequency, or nature of your sexual life. The sexual bond is absolutely essential to most marriages or significant relationships. i speak from bitter experience, because when my husband's and my sex life went down the tubes, so did our x year marriage... our problem was complex, like most are, but i believe if we had sought help, it would have made everything easier, even if the end result was still divorce--no easy thing to endure, especially with ren in the picture. Looking back, i can see we were both "right" and both "wrong." (i don't really believe in those concepts per se, although i do believe in not harming anyone in any way) That you would become depressed and resentful without a regular normal sexual outlet is nothing to feel guilty is very natural! i know this sounds like something a Guy would say, but i learned as i said that lack of sex is the death blow to a marriage. She may also be depressed, or physiy ill, or hormonally imbalanced, or nursing some secret grief or anger, or anyof a million other problems that are driving her to react in ways that are undoubtedly causing her and you both great unhappiness. Whatever is causing her to react this way must be talked about, and the best way to do that is with a professional. What needs to happen is that you find a therapist to talk to, and then if she is willing, find a differentfor both of you. The therapist you see can suggest how to proceed, altho no doubt will recommend you each see someone different for personal therapy, if your wife wishes that. Marital therapy is another matter altogether, but the therapist can guide you there also. Lots of men die of cancer and heart disease because they feel it's not "strong" to see a doctor. Many suffer a living death from Depression for the same reason. But taking control of your health and well-being can only be considered an act of regaining power. Email me if you would like to... In Friendship and empathy, rebecca
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  • holzapfel

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    Posts: 53

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    2013-08-12 12-48-19

    thank you very much, it is good to know a lady with a broader mind. I totally agree with what you said, but just sometimes I feel like my legs are tucked under my armpit and unable to move. If I have to look for something to blame, it is probably the culture from which I grow, or maybe my parents or my university classmates. A second problem is that if something goes wrong, I think it is because of me. It is so pathetic. Whenever I think deeply about my life and in particular, sex life, I get angry, though I rarely show it. Angry about my wf and the culture from which I grow, there is just too much hypocrisy! Why we just cannot be ourselves? I try not to think that everybody has onlylife and everyday is a day in one's life (well, she believes in j.c. and maybe an after-life but I am not convinced). Sometimes I tried to believe that I am just born into this particular scenario, and cannot do anything; or if I am born x years earlier in Italy, I could have been burnt on a stake. But if I do not think anything about our life, and just stick to the everyday routine, I am happier. That seems like what she is doing: "what? you surprised me, everything is fine!" I have probably made a fool of myself, like many other "newbies", spilled the beans and think just about my own problem. But thank you for all the conversation and certainly I will email you when I feel like it... right now I am stuck.
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