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Pages: Advice for a confused .. [1]
Author Topic: Advice for a confused ..
broxson

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2011-02-08 19-35-47

Advice for a confused .. **I've never had a relationship (or significant other)of any kind, so I'm "new" to these things. Be gentle (j/k).** There's a woman @ work I can't stop thinking about. I first saw her a few months ago, and have been smitten ever since. I take any chance I get to make my way up to her floor. I can't talk to her; I get red in the face, and start breathing all funny. I even joined a committee so I could have a chance to talk to her (even though all I find myself able to do is stare longingly her way). The only way I can express my feelings is through " ish"(I think) actions: Walking incessantly by her office, finding out anything I can over the internet (you'd be surprised how much you can find), ing her voicemail to hear her cute accent...etc. etc. I've talked to her a couple of times about nothing too serious; winter boots, jamaica, school...once though, we were talking about female oppression and stumbled on to relationships(not hard to see how). There I found out she's not married (yay!), doesn't seek out LTR's (her work is her LTR she said)...but she also said she wasn't a lesbian and gave me no indication as to whether she's involved w/ some AAARRRGGHH!!!!! That left me way more confused than I already was. I'm not seeking an LTR either (I don't think), I'd just like to let her know how I feel- would that scare her away(she seems like an open-minded person)? Basiy, I need some advice as to: 1)Should I put myself out there to her? If so, how? I don't want to scare her off, I'd like to still be her friend if nothing else. 2)How big of a "problem" is our age difference (me 24; she 38)? 3)What do I say/do to...i don't know, give her little hints? Is a mixtape out of the question?!? Any and all advice on this matter would be greatly appreciated. Thanks and Peace.
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eckstein

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2011-02-09 17-30-43

if she said flat out that she is not a lesbian, no, I would not "go for it". That's a fairly clear message she gave you.
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puller

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2011-02-10 10-15-10

just be her friend Don't get so worked up about it, maybe she'll take an interest to you, maybe not... but don't have expectations, just be friendly and anything that comes of it, think of as a bonus. meanwhile don't get consumed by it, remember there are other fish in the sea too, and other things for you to occupy yourself with than stalking her on the internet ;)
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Malorie

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2011-02-11 1-19-43-

also: 24 year olds should not make mixtapes
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Gillie

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2011-02-11 1-51-12-

agreed
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banish

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2011-02-11 15-48-18

so true they should be creating podcasts
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truss

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2011-02-12 5-47-36-

i agree.. podcasts = powerful stuff
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  • maeda

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    2011-02-13 14-31-34

    Not to mention that it totally messes up the songs for you if things end in disaster. (Can you tell this has never happened to me?)
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    lundstrom

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    2011-02-27 11-57-58

    mixtapes are adorable If someone gives me a mixtape, I covet it more than if someone burned me a CD. I will never grow out of it.
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  • manfredo

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    2011-03-05 1-15-48-

    agreed
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  • desantis

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    2011-03-16 4-40-01-

    NEVER dip your pen into company INK!!
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    giegerich

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    2011-03-23 14-25-11

    not even an anonymous mixtape/cd??
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  • Pippy

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    2011-04-01 11-16-28

    what good would that do for you? anyway, she's not gay - the fact that she said it outright should tell you straight out that she's not interested. no mixtape, no matter how many Prince and Melissa Ferrick songs it contains, will make her gay.
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    brucato

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    2011-08-27 18-15-59

    my friend suggested.... I should ask her out... I have similar career objectives to her, and my friend thought asking her out for coffee to discuss said career would be a good jumping off point, even to a friendship. No?
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    Shaw

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    2011-09-18 0-55-34-

    if you're meant to be friends, it'll develop naturally. there's no reason to cook up ideas on how to be friends. you're obviously still thinking up ways to get to know her outside of work in hopes that you'll somehow end up together. she. is. not. gay. there are millions of gay women out there, why are you willing to run headfirst towards a dead-end alley when there are so many open boulevards to wander?
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    eirena

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    2011-09-22 12-45-01

    'cause I've never liked a girl before.... SHE's the I like. I've never had feelings/attraction to any other women. It's sad, I know....I wonder about myself sometimes too. Her telling me she's not gay, was part of a conversation where she was commenting about her students asking why she's not married at her age. Do you say 'get over it' 'cos there's really no chance she could change her mind, or have I made it too complicated of a situtation (for my own good)?
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    kiraly

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    2012-04-19 17-46-42

    yeah, yeah- i hear ya...;) my only problem now is, the "crush" is no longer enjoyable (it's agonizing, actually).... I guess i can't let it go 'cos I don't develop feelings often and/or quickly. She's the first person I've really liked in x-x years. I'm making more of it than there actually is (I know)...sigh. Being friends with her, while I feel the way I do, wouldn't be fair to either of us. How do I forget about her- noelse has been able to help me out in that department.
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    Ayn

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    2012-11-05 16-27-08

    it really does take time - and effort. it helps not to fantasize about some imaginary perfect future you would have together, and really make it a point to find things about her you don't like. this will pass, and you will find someone eventually that you like AND is available for something more. :) plus, although noreally touched on it, don't date in the workplace, no matter how casual a workplace it is. breaking up or having things turn awkward and having to see the person at work every day really, really sucks.
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  • bunge

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    2013-09-28 2-35-51-

    You just do, eventually. There's no regimen. You're not the only person to ever have had an unrequited crush, for godssake. You'll get over it. Everyone does. It won't kill you. Just deal.
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  • rehbein

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    2014-05-17 10-43-41

    Like a bad dog...LEAVE IT!
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  • santone

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    2015-08-06 8-59-47-

    dude, if an employee of mine gave me mixtape, I would fire her ass just for that. Don't be lame. This is not junior high.
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    nigrelli

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    2015-10-21 4-39-53-

    that's because you're geek but you don't know how.
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